What is Nervous System Regulation?
What does it actually mean to regulate your nervous system? For a long time, I thought that my nervous system would be regulated whenever I stopped feeling hard emotions. I’ve learned through years of personal and professional work that my belief was wrong. Hard emotions don’t just stop happening.
Nervous system regulation doesn’t exist in the absence of emotions. To experience nervous system regulation means to experience adaptive responses to emotions. When I can feel my emotions, experience, and move through them, without feeling totally overwhelmed and out of control, I know that I am regulated.
Dr. Dan Siegel identified a concept called the window of tolerance. He identified that when individuals are existing within the “optimal zone,” we are able to effectively cope with emotions that arise. Within this window, we are regulated. Our window of tolerance is flexible. It may shrink when we’re experiencing trauma or emotional overload. It can also grow as we develop and use regulation skills and build emotional resilience. When we are operating outside of this window of tolerance, we may be on one of two sides – hyperarousal or hypo arousal.
Hyperarousal vs. Hypo Arousal
If we think of nervous system regulation as a spectrum, then hyperarousal and hypo arousal lie at opposite ends. Different emotions, behaviors, and thinking patterns can indicate which state we might find ourselves experiencing, which can help us better understand ourselves and our needs.
When you think of the word hyper, you may imagine a little kid with a lot of energy. That is also true for the nervous system. When in hyperarousal, the body has a lot of energy and wants to do something. This is why someone experiencing hyperarousal might unexpectedly hit something or snap at a friend.
Symptoms of Hyperarousal
- Emotions like worry, panic, or anger
- Hypervigilance
- Irritability
- Racing heart
- Feeling hot/sweating
Hypoarousal is just the opposite. Think about a cell phone that you’ve set to low power mode. To conserve energy, the phone limits certain functions. Hypo arousal functions very similarly, although it operates subconsciously. When in hypo arousal, the body is attempting to conserve energy for the tasks the body deems most important. This is why a person experiencing hypo arousal might find themselves staring at their phone for hours, unable to start a task.
Symptoms of Hypo Arousal
- Immobilized, feeling stuck
- Fatigue
- Brain fog
- Boredom, indifference, apathy
- Dissociation
Tips for How to Regulate: Nervous System
Nervous system dysregulation can be tough to deal with. Once we realize that we are experiencing hyperarousal or hypo arousal, what do we do to shift back towards regulation? I’m going to share two emotional regulation techniques to help – mindfulness and radical acceptance.
Mindfulness: A Key to Emotional Regulation
Noticing where we are emotionally at any given moment is half the battle – and it can be a hard one! Mindfulness isn’t about fixing or stopping emotions. It’s about simply noticing; allowing ourselves to witness our emotions with curiosity and non-judgment.
Mindfulness has a rich history, stemming from Eastern religions and spiritual institutions, such as Buddhism. After Jon Kabat-Zinn brought mindfulness to Western society in the 1970s, its popularity has risen throughout the decades to follow. Meditation is one very common form of mindfulness, but it’s not for everyone. That’s okay! There are several other options for those interested in practicing mindfulness – mindful movement, mindful creativity, even mindful eating. The goal of mindfulness is to build self-awareness, which can happen in a variety of contexts.
Mindfulness isn’t necessarily about what we’re doing, it’s about how we’re doing it. When practicing mindfulness, I decide that I’m going to spend time present with myself, not judging whatever emotions, thoughts, and sensations might come up for me.
Radical Acceptance: The Power of Letting Go
One of the ways I practice non-judgment towards myself is by practicing radical acceptance. The term radical acceptance was coined by Marsha Linehan. She describes complete and total acceptance of our reality. If I can be honest here, I struggled with this concept for a long time. It changed for me when I realized that acceptance is not synonymous with like. I can accept that I may be feeling anger, jealousy, anxiety, or any other emotion. That doesn’t mean that I have to like it, and that doesn’t mean that I have to sit in it either.
Linehan said, “You only have to accept the moment you’re in, but you can try to change the next moment.” Radical acceptance does not mean staying stuck. Radical acceptance allows us to embrace our current reality so that we can make the best choices we can moving forward. Pain cannot be avoided, and rejecting or resisting that pain doesn’t help. From my personal experience, acceptance provides a sense of clarity that allows me to work towards a potential solution.
Radical acceptance is a key part of DBT and ACT. A therapist that specializes in ACT or DBT might be a good place to start.
Final Reminder + a Sprinkle of Self-Compassion
Think back to the hypo arousal example. This person is using their phone, unable to start a task. Mindfulness can allow this person to bring their attention to the present moment and their current experience. Being careful not to slip into self-judgment, the person can practice radical acceptance – “I accept that I feel stuck right now. What can I do to feel slightly less stuck in the next moment?” Even the most regulated individuals may slip into hyperarousal or hypo arousal occasionally – it’s all part of the human experience. Regulation is all about our responses and our ability to mindfully shift into adaptive coping strategies.
One of my personal core beliefs is that we are all trying our best at any given moment. And our best often looks different moment to moment and day to day. Sometimes, we have so much space, capacity, and time and on other days, we just don’t. I’ve recently started to slow down and remember that I do my best. It’s okay that my best today might not be as good as my best yesterday. And it’s okay if that’s true for you too. Growth isn’t a straight path.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is Nervous System Regulation?
Nervous system regulation refers to the ability to respond to emotions in an adaptive way, rather than becoming overwhelmed by them. It’s all about being able to calm ourselves down when things are overwhelming.
What is the Difference Between Mindfulness and Meditation?
Mindfulness is a state of awareness and non-judgement, exploring one’s thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. To be mindful is to allow thoughts, emotions, and sensations to come up naturally, simply observing and noticing. Meditation is one form of mindfulness, and tends to be a more structured, formal process in which the meditator often focuses on something specific, such as an object, mantra, or the breath.
How Can I Practice Radical Acceptance in Everyday Life?
First, we must notice any resistance we are feeling. Sometimes emotions are not fun to feel, and we resist them. That’s a normal response! That resistance can act as a reminder, telling us to pause, notice, acknowledge, and accept what we are experiencing and feeling.
Let’s use an example. Many of us have found ourselves late to an appointment and stuck in traffic. Often, our response to this might look something like, “I can’t believe this! I’m already so late, I can’t deal with this.” To practice radical acceptance, we can first pause. Then, we can notice the emotions that are coming up, maybe anger, frustration, anxiety, boredom, etc. Once we notice it, we can acknowledge it by saying, “I accept that I’m stuck in traffic. I accept that I feel super frustrated about this situation.”
Okay, I’ve Practiced Mindfulness and Radical Acceptance – Now What?
These are great steps to take, but sometimes they may not feel like enough. Now that you’re feeling a bit more regulated, it’s a good time to focus on self-care. This article provides a great list of self-care activities you may find helpful.
